38 Lessons from 38 Years of Being Cory Stout
I’m halfway through my YearWithoutInternet, so please forgive this internet post. This is year number 4 in a series:
1. At a restaurant, ask to settle the bill immediately after you order.
This has three effects. It saves you and the waiter time. It locks you into a Ulysses contract that dissuades you from ordering dessert. Last, as soon as you’re finished eating, you can hop up and go for a walk around the block. Just 2 minutes of walking after a meal can have a big impact on blood sugar.
Wow we’re off to a great start, it feels weird to type on a keyboard. Moving on..
2. Increase Your Vocabulary
When it comes to books that have a transformative impact on the rest of your life, there’s a new Sheriff in town. Merriam Webster’s Vocabulary Builder. Some guy named Ludwid Wittgenstein said, “The limits of your language are the limits of your world” In this book are 2,000 lesser used words of the English language. It’s kind of like going vintage shopping, for expression. This book has increased my capacity to experience reality, what more can you ask from a book??
3. Write More Letters
During this YearWithoutInternet, it’s been more difficult to keep in touch. I’ve discovered writing letters to be an excellent way to to deepen your relationships. This is one of the only rituals in which you the writer have 100% of your focus going into your message. And the reader has 100% of their focus on receiving your message. Phone calls and Facetime are great for their speed and visual component, but there are costs.
I rely on the letter ESPECIALLY when it involves offering an apology or forgiveness. There’s something different about a physical symbol of a feeling.
4. If you visit a remarkable body of water, be prepared to JUMP IN
It connects you with your environment. What are you going to do? Dip your toe in? Is that how you want to live your life? When you dunk your head in, chances are THAT will be the most memorable experience of your trip
5. Friend is a verb, not a noun
I’ve repeated this to myself hundreds of times this year. Most things in life only count in the verb sense, not the noun sense. For example, I have an apartment in Venice Beach, it IS my apartment (noun), but it really only matters when I’m home EXPERIENCING my apartment (verb). When I’m ‘home-ing’.
Same with friendship. I noticed that some of my friends felt more like nouns than like verbs. I was taking them for granted because they ARE my friends, that sometimes I forgto to BE a friend.
The EXISTENCE (of a home, car, friendship, lover) is in the EXPERIENCE of them, not in the knowledge that they exist.
Once you notice something in your life that’s grown stale in its ‘Noun-ness’, seek to resuscitate it with a Vivid Verb!
6. More Restaurant Advice
When you find yourself at a new restaurant, serving a cuisine you’re unfamiliar with, ask the waiter which dish the staff orders the most. I used to ask what’s popular, then I realized that will only get you the most ENTICING and DECADENT dish, not necessarily the chef’s best work. The staff eat the food more than anyone, lean into their knowledge
7. Balance of Question and Answer
I ask a lot of questions (End Small Talk, my book of questions, launching September 1st!)
And I’ve noticed a new, disturbing trend, the rise of the conversation vampire. This is a person who answers questions without asking any of their own. They suck the conversational blood right from your throat. SO, if anybody answers 3 questions in a row, without asking you something, then just walk away, no explanation necessary!
8. Never Forget Your Luggage
On a train or plane, always store your luggage in the aisle ACROSS from where you’re sitting. That way, when it’s time to exit, you’ll stand up and be visually confronted with your belongings.
9. Never Suppress a Generous Impulse
This should be number 1, this is the advice of the year. We’re in control of which thoughts we choose to act up, we’re not really in control of which impulses arise. So, if you want to practice more generosity, you have to capitalize on the natural chances that your consciousness presents you. This is ESPECIALLY true if the generous impulse takes less than 2 minutes to execute. If that’s the case, DO IT right there on the spot, this is the START TODAY of generosity.
10. Every Idea Needs a Name
I think of more ideas than I could possibly act on. So, all my ideas battle each other to see which gets to activate and actualize. When I think an idea is really novel, I’ll do the extra work to give it a catchy name. It’s like giving a front of the line pass to that idea.
11. Whatever Fits in Your Week, Fits in Your Life
This is another idea that helps me elevate good ideas and good pursuits. Saxaphone is a great example. In a perfect world, I would be steadily progressing towards competency with the saxaphone. But I travel a lot, I’m busy when I’m home, it’s a hassle to setup the lesson and drive to the school. It just doesn’t fit into my ordinary week. Therefore, I have to acknowledge that it doesn’t fit into my life. I don’t have to completely give it up, but I do have to give up the dream of it becoming A THING, something I REALLY do.
It’s actually a huge relief to realize something doesn’t fit into your week and you can guiltlessly let it go.
Same goes for relationships probably.
12. Print Stickers
Maybe this is just the teengar in me, it’s FUN to print and share stickers. It’s kind of like graffiti, you can make your mark on the physical world and promote your take on things.
https://www.stickermule.com/ is a good one
13. Create Responsibly
Did ya’ll see Oppenheimer? Whoa
The lesson I got from it; be careful what you choose to create because you will be blamed for it. If someone else uses one of your creations irresponsibly, the blame will fall on you, and you have no choice, you have to fall on that sword.
14. Just Drink the Wine
Skip the wine tasting ritual. The conversation grinds to a halt when the waiter offers a sip of the wine for approval. The person has to drink the wine while everybody watches, swish it around their mouth for some reason, and nod to the waiter that it’s acceptable. I’ve drank 1,000 bottles of wine, never have I ever encountered a spoiled bottle of wine. It also builds goodwill with the waiter to tell them to go ahead and pour, you trust the supply.
15. How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything
You’ve heard this one before, I have a slightly new slant on it. Here’s mine:
EVERY action strengthens or weakens SOME habit.
I love this analogy of your brain as a hiker moving through a jungle
16. A quote from contemporary artist Daniel Arsham,
In my studio, I can be whatever I say I am
I love this quote because it speaks to the freedom of identity. A big reason we find change to be difficult is that it requires others permission to treat you in the ‘new way’. It’s why improv is so liberating. In improv, if you say you’re holding a chicken, then your partner instantly accepts this. I wish real life was a little more like improv class
I guess the adivce is LET PEOPLE be whatever they say they are
17. Go Where the New Words Are
‘Borrowed from Kevin Kelly’s book, Excellent Advice I Wish I’d Known Earlier, he has great advice for choosing what to pursue in life. It goes something like;
Pursue fields of study where they are making up new terms and new titles. At some point, ‘Youtuber’ was a new word, now it’s a cliche. I’m inventing new words for my Book of Questions, and my title will be something like, ‘Speed-friending Facilitator’
There are probably a lot of new words forming around artificial reality right now. And I think it’s bad luck that THIS happens to be my year without internet!
18. Eat Your Vegetables Raw
Borrowed from Raptitude, How to Eat Your Vegetables
Somtimes, just sometimes, eat your vegetables completely raw. Just munch on that carrot stick or grind your way through a raw beet. It’s a reminder that food is meant to energize you, and not everything is a pleasure puzzle to solve.
It’s as though each meal has to win at two food games at once: it must successfully nourish (or at least not harm you too badly), and successfully stimulate/entertain.
19. A Return to Reason
I’ve lived in Venice for too long. I’ve experienced a lot of mind-opening philosophy along with some mind-opening substances. It’s time for reason to clap back.
I want to hold as many true beliefs as possible, and as few false beliefs as possible. How do I tell the difference? EVIDENCE.
The gloves are off people and I’m not pretending anymore. If you hold a belief, and you want me to hold it too, you better come prepared with a falsifiable premise and evidence to back up your claims. Lastly, remember, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And the burden of proof is on YOU
Reason is the only way we can RELIABLY reach true conclusions. And I’m interested in whether my beliefs are true, not just whether or not they make me feel good.
21. Use a Flip Phone
I’ve used one for 6 months now. I forget how crazy it sounds, but hear me out. It’s small. It’s lightweight. The battery lasts for DAYS. You can call and receive calls. Text and receive texts. AND you can flip it open to answer a call and flip it closed to end a call. What more do you really NEED? Most of your other internet activities can be done at home! I swear to god everybody’s life would be just a little better if we all had flip phones. I can’t prove it yet, I’m working on the book now, just trust me on this one.
22. Travel with a Chess Board
Some of the coolest places in the world don’t speak English, I know crazy right? I can’t speak any other languages fluently, so it’s difficult to connect in those places. Luckily, chess is a universal language and it’s rapidly growing in popularity. Just find a table, set up the pieces, and wait to meet a new opponent. Life should be lived IRL
23. Hire a Virtual Assistant
Her name is Veronica (Nona for short) and she’s one of the most important people in my life. We’ve worked together for 7+ years and she makes my life run so much smoother. I made a post on https://www.onlinejobs.ph/ and the rest is history. It will take time to develop a groove. Overall lesson, allow people to make a few mistakes, the benefits always play out in the long run.
24. Reframe Failure
Realize that failure has the *possibility* of turning out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Pure success doesn’t hold such promise. Try harder things and don’t be afraid to fail at some of them.
25. Shoot Pictures on Film
The fun thing about film is that you forget everything that you shot, and by the time you get that roll developed, you’ll experience complete surprise at every frame. It’s literally photographic-Christmas-morning everytime you get pictures back.
26. Chew Falim Gum
It strengthens your chewing muscles and keeps your breathing passage open. I pulled this one out of the Breath book by James Nestor. Warning: it’s an acquired taste (link to amazon)
27. Try a Voice Recorder
This one is my favorite. I haven’t found a quicker or easier method to record an idea on the go. You turn it on, auto-record, speak into it, auto-save, turn it off, and boom keep it moving. I buy a lot of stuff on Amazon (well, not this year) and I see everything as a little experiment. If you try it and don’t like it, it’s a $50 failed experiment. If you try it and integrate it in your life, come up with great ideas, and execute on them, then this $50 voice recorder is potentially worth millions. Huge upside, very little downside.
I don’t think that our brain-power differs much from person to person. I think that thoughts arise and the people who harvest their thoughts in an organized, comprehensive way tend to flourish in this world due to their system of capturing, synthesizing, and publishing. This tool is a superpower.
28. Find Your Favorite Pen
If you find yourself searching for your ‘good pen’, then buy 100 of those pens, throw away your other pens, and enjoy your freaking life just a little bit more. Life is too short to use anything but your favorite pen.
Myself? I prefer the precise V5 by Pilot
29. Google Flights, Obviously
I’m shocked when I see someone search for a flight and start anywhere except Google Flights. It’s the definitive list of flights. If you find a flight on CheapoAir, then I just don’t trust you to make good decisions in other aspects of your life.
one exception is Southwest Airlines, which isn’t a big loss
30. Stay on Your Game
Life seems like a progression from old habits to new, better ones. Just remember, that old habits lurk just beneath your hard-earned new behaviors. 6 months without internet, and I relapsed when I let an iPhone through the side door. Old habits die hard, and new habits are difficult to form. When you figure out how to outmaneuver an old habit, don’t celebrate too soon and back-slide. Stay alert
31. Try Religious Ceremonies Where You Don’t Know the Language
If you know me, you know me and organized religion don’t mix. In July, my friend Taylor and I visited Salvador, Brazil and I took part in a ceremonial bathing. It’s their version of a baptism. I didn’t know what they were saying, so I couldn’t nitpick their dubious claims. All I did was receive the intentions behind the act, to cleanse my mind, body, and spirit, so I could return to life refreshed. All in all, a good tip for skeptics :)
32. Do More Long-term Thinking
I joined the LongNow Foundation. Their mission is to increase the amount of long-term thinking on planet Earth. It’s worth thinking about. There’s no measurement for how much long-term thinking you do. You can’t compare your long-termedness with your friends like a FitBit. So, it’s a personal mission to increase your long-term thinking. ‘Our Land’ in Joshua Tree is a life-long art project, and that time horizon takes so much pressure off the ‘short-now’. I think more long-term thinking can only lead to good things.
33. Listen to Erikah Badu
She’s got a lyric that pops in my head every morning
The World is Mine,
When I Wake Up
Think about this, sing it in your head, DON’T reach for your phone when you wake up, that’s YOUR time. When you reach for your phone, you open your peaceful mind to the entire world, and they don’t share all of your goals.
34. Listen to Bobby McFerrin
This one is obscure. I’ve been listening to cassette tapes all year. I’ve found inspiration in Erikah Badu, MC Hammer, and definitely Bobby McFerrin. He’s got a song called Discipline. It’s unintelligible the first 10 times you listen, but then the lyrics get DEEP.
For those who have been trained by it,
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful
Later on, however, it produces a harvest of
Righteousness and Peace
I’ve lost a lot of variety of music this year. I’m discovering less than I have in previous years. What I’ve lost in breadth, I’ve made up for in depth. I’ve dug deep into the story, the symbols, and the soul of the music. And that’s only possible through repetition.
35. We Always Want What We Perceive We Lack
Shoutout Thai Neave for this one, one of the coolest photographer/hoopers there is in Australia and anywhere buckets can be found. I oscillate between periods of frenetic movement and staying PUT when I’m at home in Venice (to the point that I’ll go sit in dark float tanks for 2+ hours, the pinnacle of staying put)
When I’m at the end of one of those trips, I long for stability, I imagine a life of structure. It’s only temporary, when I’m ‘home’ for 3 weeks, I can’t wait to get on the road and explore new territory.
This is just a reminder to appreciate what you do have, and not to focus on what you lack. There’s no future in letting your mind occupy an alternative timeline where you made the opposite choices of the ones you did.
36. Organize Epic Experiences
Connected to Advice #17, here’s a new word: THRASHING. I’m organizing an event in September that has no equivalent. I’m calling it Thrash Week.
One part Barn Raising , one part cult, one part Burning Man, one part mindfulness retreat, one part habitat for humanity.
I’ve been creatively cranking on this idea for a long time, but I finally put a date to it and now the planning actually begins. Accommodation, catering, tools, materials, safety, fun, invitations.
At first, it’s intimidating because you imagine people have busy lives and it’ll be tough convincing them to carve out time for something different.
BUT it’s exactly the OPPOSITE. I’m finding people are just waiting to experience things out of the ordinary with friends they trust. Look at Burning Man, how in the world do they get 80,000 people to drop everything and build the most amazing city in one week? Precisely BECAUSE it’s different AND it’s well-organized.
37. Order Custom Name Patches
Is it me, or is it getting harder and harder to remember peoples names?
Enter, Custom Name Patches, get your name, iron it on a couple shirts, and wear those shirts when you know you’ll be in a place with mostly new people. It puts people at ease when they know they don’t have to guess around and fumble your name.
38. Recite a Poem Every Morning
If you made it this far, I have a treat for you. It’s my secret weapon. It’s from a book about Taoism. Repeat this every morning and watch your life trend towards peace.
I am the offspring of the divine nature of the universe.
Through the extension of the positive, creative, and constructive nature of the universe, I have received life.
Let pure, positive energy display itself in my nature and daily life.
Let only the highest energy be exhibited in my speech and behavior.
In my relationships with my fellow men and women, let me demonstrate the benevolence of the universal nature.
Let pure, positive energy be the only experience of my being.
Let my spirit and mind be a reflection of the sublime order and harmony of the universe, and my body an expression of the subtle origin.
When eating, let the pure and positive nature nourish me directly.
When sleeping, let the peaceful nature refresh me.
When working, let the divine nature be expressed through me.
Let my life follow the WAY of universal nature.
Let my life be the realization of the divine nature of the universe.
So that I can be the positive manifestation of the subtle origin and unite myself firmly with the incorruptible spirit, the Jade Emporer, the supreme core of the universe.
See you next year! -Cory Stout (38)
