36 Lessons from 36 Years of Being Cory Stout
ONE: You Are Not a Gadget was my book of the year. iPhone snuck its way into my life and sometimes I have a hard time living my life without it. I know that sounds extreme, but look around, everyone is on their phone almost all the time!
A couple highlights from the book:
“Giving yourself the time and space to think and feel is crucial to your existence. Personhood requires encapsulation. You have to find a way to be yourself before you can share yourself.”
Be a person, instead of a collection of fragments ready to be exploited by someone else
I hereby CHALLENGE you to create a video where editing took 100 times longer than the length of the video. OR write an article that took at least two weeks of reflection (like this one). You have to reflect before you can authentically react.
TWO: Experiment with E-Prime Language. (link) Anybody who’s been in a relationship understands that WORDS MATTER. E-prime thinking is an approach to language that completely removes the verb TO BE. It’s a subtle shift with incredible potential. If a person makes a mistake, you could say ‘You ARE a mistake-maker’ But what a judgement that is, what an indictment! With E-prime language, you could say, ‘You made a mistake in that situation’, it’s much easier to receive criticism or advice in this context. It eschews hard labeling and opens a conversation. It allows space for creative disagreement. And lastly, it forces you to dig deeper into your vocabulary toolkit and reach for interesting words.
THREE: Utilize RoamResearch.com as your ‘second brain’. Roam is a note-taking tool that stores information. This is something I really invested time and energy into this year. I see great benefit in ‘network systems’, and I define that as any system where any additional contribution makes the entire thing more useful.
When you think about it, we remember very little about the world and our own lives. Back of the envelope math says I’ve eaten around 40,000 meals in my lifetime. I can vividly recall less than 30. I’ve listened to thousands of songs, watched hundreds of movies, read hundreds of books, listened to hundreds of podcasts and visited dozens of countries. The sum of all that intake is mind-boggling. With Roam, I’m able to catalog my thoughts and ideas in an easily retrievable way. The killer feature with Roam is that it stores all of these notes using bi-directional linking, which means it organizes my information more like my nueral network. Here’s an easy to watch explainer video
FOUR: Use Airr to contribute to Roam
Airr is a podcast app that makes it really easy to contribute to Roam. Let’s say I’m walking along Venice Beach, I’m listening to a podcast, and the host says something interesting. Instead of pulling my phone out of my pocket and typing the note into an app, with Airr, I can triple click on my left airpod, and it automatically transcribes a snippet of the last 30 seconds of content. Then, with Readwise, it automatically makes an entry into Roam so it’s indexed and searchable.
FIVE: Use Readwise to contribute to Roam
I like to use a Kindle when I’m reading non-fiction. I can highlight a passage on my kindle, and Readwise will make an entry into Roam. It even formats the entry by book title, author, and location. Ok Roam rant is over…
SIX: Diagram how inspirations -> ideas -> creation FLOWS in your life
I scribbled this flow chart the other day just to visualize how experiences flow into ideas, ideas flow into money, money flows into improving the world around you, which leads to love, which leads to more experiences. How does your system function?
SEVEN: Start your day with 100 push-ups
This one is a no-brainer. Commit to a morning practice. Corey and I created GainsForGood.org and we’ve chosen push-ups as our commitment currency. I still like to think of push-ups as paying rent on the privelege of being alive another day.
EIGHT: Get to Know Your Friends’ Parents, Siblings, and Partners
If someone doesn’t know anything about your mom, dad, sister, brothers, or partner, how well can they really know you? I have a very close relationship with my family, and I really really appreciate the effort my best friends have taken to form bonds with my family. I’m just realizing that I haven’t reciprocated that effort and I’d like to correct that. Friends out there, tell your parents to be ready, because I’m going to hit them up and ask for the most embarassing stories from your childhood!
NINE: Question all advertisements for debt
Debt is a useful financial tool. But you should SEEK it out when you know the time is right. If you receive a notice in the mail or an email and someone is ADVERTISING debt to you, then you should avoid it. It’s the grocery store equivalent of cookies in the checkout aisle.
TEN: Travel with a Vest
This Zara vest is just about the most useful thing I’ve ever owned. Up top, the pockets perfectly fit an Airpods Pro case and a money clip. Next level fits any iPhone, passport, boarding passes, notebook, or pen. On the bottom, you can store iPhone cables, nail clippers, chapstick and more. I experimented with a Matador fanny pack for a long time, but nothing beats this vest.
ELEVEN: Get the backpack with the slip for your rolling suitcase
TWELVE: Consider Your Thinking Medium
Thoughts exist in our brains, and they only really count when we bring them into reality. That can take many forms. You could write things down in a journal, you could write a bumper sticker or a billboard, you could compose a symphony, paint a picture, record your ideas in a voice memo, etc. Every different person has different mediums of expression that suit them.
I like to have a journal that’s blank on one side and lined on the other. That allows me to sketch as well as explain. I also lean into index cards, especially while I’m writing questions. For stream of consciousness writing, I still use The Most Dangerous Writing App
THIRTEEN: Skip things that are #13 when you can
FOURTEEN: Check-in with your tracker reliance
I’ve subjected myself to every tracker under the sun. Fitbit, Whoop, LevelsHealth, MyfitnessPal, Ketone trackers, Mint, Fitbod, I’ll be first in line to wear a Kernel Flux when it’s released. Tracking is the number one strategy for self-improvement, just the act of tracking will lead to better results. I recently unplugged from Whoop and there was a nice period of freedom and less of a burden on bandwidth. I also started slipping on some of my most productive habits, so I’ll jump back in sometime this year. But it’s just a nice reminder to constantly experiment with quantifying your life and behavior, and part of that experimentation is NO experimentation at all.
FIFTEEN: Protect Your Hearing. I learned recently that a big contributor to hearing damage is duration. If you listen to airpods for 4 hours straight on an airplane, you’re doing long-term damage to your hearing. Invest in a good pair of travel ear-plugs.
SIXTEEN: Wear a mindfulness timer
This device is intended for interval fitness training, but I’ve found another great use. I set it to beep every 20 minutes, and every 12 seconds after that. So, it will beep, I’ll hold my breath, check-in with my breath, ground myself in the present moment, find something to be grateful for, and then it beeps again. I set that for 46 ‘rounds’ per day. After the last mindfulness check-in of the day, it beeps itself out, and that’s a nice signal to me that it’s nearly time to go to bed.
You can wear it on your wrist, but don’t expect to get hit on while you’re wearing it, it’s peak-geek.
SEVENTEEN: Assess what percentage of your thoughts are about what YOU are doing, and what percentage is dedicated to what OTHER PEOPLE are doing.
It helps you to take more resposibility for your own actions, and assign less blame to others. Aim for a 80/20 balance
EIGHTEEN: Separate work time into Feedback sessions and no-feedback sessions
Creativity is a sacred thing. It takes very specific conditions to find a creative flow and BE creative. It’s very very easy to give feedback or receive feedback. So, when it’s time to create, you HAVE to put a sign on the door that reads “NO FEEDBACK ALLOWED”. Feedback and creativity are NOT friends. Feedback is a bully.
NINETEEN: Work Easy. Play Hard.
I think I have an uncommon workflow. I don’t TRY too hard. The famous author Charles Bukowski (apparently he’s famous, I’ve never read one of his books but I’ve heard of him) put ‘Don’t Try’ on his tombstone!
His point was that if something is such a slog that you have to try and try and try and try, then it’s probably not for you, and you should go find the thing that feels EFFORTLESS. For him, that was writing. For me? Right now, that’s writing questions. Right now, that’s painting. What’s hard right now? For some reason learning Italian, learning the trumpet, knocking out the to-do’s for Woodies. He compares ‘the work’ to an insect on a high wall. You just have to wait patiently for it to fly lower to you, and then WHAM you reach out and grab it.
So that’s why I try to do the most. Take my chances on new pursuits until I find the one that just feels EFFORTLESS. That looks like play. What I’m really doing is trying on new pursuits, seeing how good I can get, and seeing how long it lasts.
TWENTY: Make It Fun
This has a lot in common with number NINETEEN. When learning a new skill (or even better, teaching a skill to a new person), it’s absolutely vital to make it fun. Make it a game, make it a competition, trick the person into thinking they’re having fun and progress is possible.
TWENTY-ONE: Try a new game, ‘what’s the benefit…?’
Here’s how it works. Ask yourself why you do something. Answer it. Then ask, what’s the benefit of THAT? Then answer it, then ask what’s the benefit of THAT? Then answer it, then ask what’s the benefit of THAT? Keep going until you uncover something useful, trust me, there’s something hidden there.
TWENTY-TWO: Eat FRUIT
Processed sugar (cakes, brownies, candy, etc) is bad for our health and only tastes marginally better than fruit. We’re truly in a golden age of sugary foods. Confectionists are constantly coming up with new, creative treats. We forget sometimes fruit tastes AMAZING. Pineapple, mango, blueberries, there are some really TERRIFFIC tasting fruits out there. Here’s a quote I pulled from a GQ book of advice from the great Jack Lalanne on his 90th birthday:
I’m going to be ninety. Everybody else can have a piece of my birthday cake, but not me. I have rules and I follow them. No cake, no pie, no candy, no ice cream! Haven’t had any in 75 years. It makes me feel great to NOT eat my birthday cake. That’s the gift I give to myself.
TWENTY-THREE: Visit Conventions, Tradeshows, Summits
Travel is great, but travel with a purpose is divine. I find that conventions lend purpose to trips without consuming them entirely. Here are a few of my favorite conventions:
MAGIC: World’s Largest Fashion Tradeshow (Las Vegas)
Mido: Designer Eyewear Show (Milan)
Complex Con: Sneaker Convention (Long Beach)
Canton Fair: The King of Tradeshows (Guangzhou)
Fit Expo: Fitness Convention (Los Angeles)
Pebble Beach Auctions: Classic Car Auction (Pebble Beach)
TWENTY-FOUR: Read random obituaries
It‘s a reminder that death awaits us all. You can ignore it, you can fear it, or you can face it and tap into the energy it can give you. (Here’s One). When you read a random obituary, you ask yourself, was this person satisfied with their life? You can wonder, what else did this person hope to accomplish? What did she spend time on that she wishes she directed towards something else? Sometimes I read a random and the person had an AMAZING life (oddly jazz music seems to be a common thread in dynamic lives). Some are so short you can tell the author had nothing to work with. It’s a great life goal to pursue an outstanding obituary.
TWENTY-FIVE: The framework of a conversation is both fundamental to its success and extremely easy to improve -Human Flourishing Project Podcast
Framework has two key elements in this case.
- establish a common goal
- make the choices clear
An example, when having a conversation about what to do during a long weekend. If one person considers a ‘good’ weekend to be a relaxing one, and the other person considers a ‘good’ weekend to be full of adventure, then they should establish that criteria before they even propose an option.
In that same example, one person might reasonably consider only local activities. The other person might say, ‘wouldn’t it be nice to go to Figi?’ This conversation is set to go off the rails, because unrealistic choices are mixed in with realistic choices, which means the decision has very little chance of being made at all.
Most conversations would benefit from more clarifying dialogue before really diving into the details of the topic.
TWENTY-SIX: Re-frame theft as a chance to level-up
I returned to Venice to find two bikes stolen from my garage. I don’t let these types of things upset me, but I thought of a really good way to reframe it as a positive. I’ve been meaning to buy a more ‘serious’ road bike for distances that are just too long for a casual beach-bike. But as long as the beach bike sat in my garage, it was too useful and convenient to invest the time and money in a new super-bike. Now that it’s been stolen, I’m released from that convenience and the process of leveling-up has become easier. It’s not ideal to have your bike stolen, but once it’s already happened, it’s nice to find the silver lining.
TWENTY-SEVEN: When you land in a new city, take a ‘gut-walk’
I heard this one recently from an esteemed traveler and it struck me immediately as great advice. A gut walk is just a random walk around your neighborhood where you just ‘feel’ your directions. No maps, no google maps, no schedule, just walk to an intersection, look left, there’s just a gas station, look right and there’s a flower shop, maybe you turn right and something cool happens.
If I ever own a home someday, I’m going to walk around the neighborhood for hours before I buy, that way I can get a feel for the energy of the street and the surrounding streets. I do this all the time in Venice, and I have a short list of streets that have a happy feeling. Trust that feeling
TWENTY-EIGHT: Activate your ring-back tone (CallerTunes)
It costs $1.99/month and it’s the most fun you can ever have for $1.99. You get to choose the song, and everytime someone calls you, they get to to hear this song instead of the ordinary ‘riiiinnnngggg riiiinnnnnnggg’. You can even set different songs for different people (that’s next level).
TWENTY-NINE: When you’re feeling a little down, Seth Godin has a nice thought experiment to go through:
- Is everything going to be okay?
- That depends.
- If we mean, “Is everything going to be the way it was and the way I expected it to be?” then the answer is no. The answer to that question is always no, it always has been.
- If we mean, “Is everything going to be the way it is going to be?” then the answer is yes. Of course. If we define whatever happens as okay, then everything will be.
- Given that everything is going to be the way it’s going to be, we’re left with an actually useful and productive question instead: “What are you going to do about it?”
THIRTY: Thoughts vs Actions
The small action is more powerful than the biggest thought.
If I thought of you, just mentally, it counts, but it doesn’t really move the needle.
If I thought of you, and I manifested that thought into ANY action, no matter how small, that is meaningful and makes the world a better place in reality.
THIRTY-ONE: Create a GO bag. I don’t expect there to be a catastrophic societal event in my lifetime, but I posess a strange solace knowing that I have a survival bag packed and ready to go at anytime. I kept mine simple, black duffle, cash, lighter, flashlight, knife, rope, clothes, peanut butter (extra crunchy JIF),
THIRTY-TWO: Hang from your ceiling
SO many good reasons for this one.
- You can hang a swing for extra seating
- You can hang a yoga swing for stretching upside down
- You can do pullups and stretch out your shoulder muscles
THIRTY-THREE: Theme Your Days
This is one I just learned about and I’m eager to try. I have my finger in a lot of pies. I run Woodies, partnered in Atlexo, I paint, moderate a pushup group, write questions, and still find time to sit in a dark float tank for two hours in the middle of the workweek. I’ve been trying to assign different types of work to different parts of my day (for example, fitness in the morning, email after lunch, etc) but what about the idea of theming your days of the week?
I’m going to experiment with this:
Monday: Totally fitness
Tuesday: Processing, reacting, responding
Wednesday/Thursday: Pure creation, no judgments allowed
Friday: Non-productive activies
THIRTY-FOUR: Roll a die to determine your actions that day
This works especially well with food choices. I have a normal, six-sided die and I’ll roll it in the morning to determine what type of food day I’ll have. 1- no meat. 2- no dairy. 3- no food after 3pm. 4- no food until 3pm. 5- no alcohol. 6- go ham and eat everything you want in any amount.
Leaving some of our decisions up to chance reduces cognitive load and gives you an easy excuse not to drink. “I would have a drink with you, but the dice spoke today so I cannot…”
THIRTY-FIVE: Start earlier on the # Lessons from # Years of Life article…
If I come out with one of these every year, I better work on this draft at least once per month. Saving it until the last minute felt a lot like college. Kind of thrilling, but mostly unproductive.
THIRTY-SIX: All forms are transitory
Everything is constantly changing. John Mulaney, a great comedian, said,
“I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation. Now, I’m afraid to get a flu shot. PEOPLE CHANGE”
I try to constantly remind myself that every form that I see will change by the next time I see it. Two reasons, the form will be different, and I’ll be a different viewer. It’s a twist on This Too Shall Pass, which is the ultimate lesson. Alright see ya next year!
